"Gotta feel it to heal it"

“You just have to buck up and get over it”, “Don’t think about it so much, it’ll just go away!”, “Toughen up”. These are all things said to people (especially young kids, and especially by adults- usually well intentioned) who perceive problems as not being very large. While that can be true, and lots of times, that advice is appropriate and helpful. However, when there is something bigger going on- like depression, anxiety, trauma, adjustment issues, and so on, it’s important to know that you do in fact have to “feel it to heal it”.

This, I think, is one of the most amazing parts about therapy, and positive relationships in general: there is something incredibly powerful about just telling your story. Just hearing the words out loud, and having someone present to give a new insight on your story, can heal so much. That being said, you still have to feel it. It was recently said at the Colorado School Counselors' Conference - “Feelings are called feelings because you are supposed to feel them. If you were supposed to think about them, they would be called thinkings”. -Nicholas Thompson, LCSW. So many people would like to say that they are not upset about a death, a divorce, a move, or any other event in their lives, however, that is simply not the case. We are all humans, and we all feel. That is what makes us human!

If we tell ourselves that something isn’t hurting us, and put those walls up to protect ourselves, it is so easy to go to some sort of coping mechanism. I would venture to say that it is impossible not to. Whether that be drugs, alcohol, bouncing from relationship to relationship, food, becoming a workaholic... The list could go on and on. However, it will happen, and no matter how much we try to ignore these feelings- eventually it will be time for them to come to light. When that time comes, and when it is time to feel the emotion, it gets so much lighter. Our memories and emotions hold so much more power in our heads than they ever will once they are spoken out loud, or even when we just allow ourselves to feel them, and admit to them. Getting through the emotions can be an uphill battle if we try harder and harder to convince ourselves that we don’t have emotions, and build those walls up higher and higher, so our loved ones cannot reach us.

“Emotional pain cannot kill you, but running from it can. Allow. Embrace. Let yourself feel. Let yourself heal.” -Vironika Tugaleva

For more on this subject- and to read what inspired this blog post, check out this article written by Hailey Magee. https://tinybuddha.com/blog/feel-it-to-heal-it-the-only-way-out-is-through/